Dude, Where's My Yoga?

Dude, Where’s My Yoga?

This is the question that pops into my head the moment after...

• I overreact, or appropriately react, to one of my children’s infractions (or just plain kid moments) in a decidedly un-Yogic volume

• I react badly to the drivers misbehaving on the road 
• or my body tenses when I see a driver on the phone or texting behind the wheel (especially when my van is kid-full)

• the conversation takes a gossipy turn and I find myself participating

• I judge a situation unfairly

Dude, where’s my yoga?  

I’ve only become tolerant of the word, dude, in my early 40s.  


When talking about our experiences driving with our kids in the car, a very good friend of mine told me that she says “Dude” in lieu of dropping the “F” bomb.  

While I used to avoid dropping the “D” word, I now find it a satisfying substitute for flipping the bird.  I know a deep cleansing breath would probably have a similar effect, ending the need to drop any [insert letter of choice] word or extending of any middle digits.  It’s just that sometimes when I come to that particular clarity, the moment has already passed.  


That’s why I practice.

My practice, on the mat, bubbles when I meet the metaphoric Dude poses I used to want to avoid that I now look forward to exploring.   The Yoga reveals itself in familiar moments, off the mat, when I make fresh choices.

Several years ago (before I ever stepped foot on a Yoga mat), around my brother’s dining room table, we were reminiscing various childhood memories and laughing at our youthful antics.  There was a moment when the energy shifted slightly, though still light in nature it held the air of wisdom about to be imparted.  

He said, through pursed lips, that he remembered watching one of my sisters “bait” me often.  Under his breath he would chant, “Don’t take the bait.  Don’t take the bait.”  Nine times out of ten I would take the bait; I was predictable enough for her to know which buttons to push to successfully bait me every time.  

While it would have been extremely helpful to know that’s what was happening at the time it was happening, it was equally as valuable to learn it when I did.  I now had the language and context to deal directly and make better choices, without resorting to habitual behavior.

Since that dining room table chat, my whole relationship with that sister markedly improved.  We were always close, but from that moment forward I had a more active role in keeping our relationship equal and healthy.  All I needed was the awareness which led to the language which, in turn, became mindful (and compassionate) action. 

This lesson surfaces when I find myself in similar situations of feeling like I’m dangling from a hook.  Regular Yoga practice provides me with a portable context for almost any situation.  There are still those moments when I mindlessly revert to form before remembering to breathe; but more often than not I find myself unrolling my mental mat when presented with a challenging moment.

Yes.  I still get annoyed by ignorant behavior, small-minded moments and a lifetime of acquired pet peeves.  But, maybe I’m a little less annoyed and find humor more often and more quickly.  I am certainly more mindful and able to step back, reassess or let go when necessary.  

So when I ask, “Dude, where’s my Yoga?”  I already know the answer. 

The Story of our Lives

Two things that exemplify “home” to me are books and a piano.  

I love to read and look at the spines of varying sizes and colors which contain universes of stories.  I took piano lessons for five years as a young child, but only dabble on the keys today.  

The connection to these things started early, in my childhood home, where books lined the walls and our upright piano greeted us, daily, with the possibility of music.  My father was an avid collector of antique books and my mother often dazzled us when she’d sit at the piano and whip out one or both of the songs she remembered from her piano lesson days.

There is much more to be said about the people and events in our lives than the things that clutter our spaces.  But sometimes, the most ordinary object can tell volumes about a person and once the person is gone from our lives, for one reason or another, that ordinary object becomes magical.

The other day, FedEX dropped off a few boxes of what remained from my grandparents’ belongings.  Mostly, they were filled with Sherry glasses, salt & pepper shakers and other things of little monetary value.  The soup terrine that was always perched on their buffet is now part of our story.  I never saw the terrine in use, but I do make soup and will give it the meaning for which it was intended; to my children, it will always be Great Sally’s Soup Terrine.

In the world of ordinary objects, my mat has become a talisman.  This narrow strip, designated for my practice to take flight, is nothing more than a man-made cushion.  Yet, when I unroll this ordinary object, it becomes a sacred space for me to explore my story a bit deeper.  

When I tuck my mat under my arm, my children sigh and know that I am off to a Yoga class.  All three of my girls have their own mats and have had their own experiences with yoga.  As they grow and become who they are meant to be, their mats will take on meaning relating to their stories, but will always have roots from home.  

Home is where the story starts.

While the objects in my life are more like bread crumbs, now, than stones, each crumb creates a part of my story before it dissolves into the bigger story.  

What’s your story?

Ahimsa ~ Do No Harm

The cardinal rule in my house is Ahimsa.  I borrow this beautiful tenet of Yoga as a tool to help teach my kids compassion.  My children all know that when mommy says, “Ahimsa” that I’m reminding them to do no harm to themselves, each other and the world around them.  I always make it a point to define the word every time I speak it.

Several months into introducing this wonderful word, we were sitting at the dinner table and it comes up.  “Ahimsa,” I proclaim trying to practice it myself even as I say it.  There is silence.  Then a tiny voice (that of my four year old) tentatively chimes in with, “What does harm mean?”

All this time I was distracted by thinking they needed to know the “big” word and neglected to meet them where they were.  “Harm” seemed like such a harmless word, one that in its abbreviated nature seemed universal.  

It was a simple moment filled with awareness and a drop of profundity.

Life can sometimes be assembled by these types of assumptions.  What trips me up, at times, is when one’s habitual patterns that typically inform a certain outcome, take me by surprise.  This usually happens when that person hits his or her internal “refresh button” and breaks the habit.  When that moment of “waking up” and acting in a present, mindful way is responded to in kind, a symbiotic exchange is created and life is being fully lived.

When I was a student of mediation at the Shambhala Center (I say was, because it’s been many years since I walked through their doors or have had a disciplined sitting meditation practice), I remember one of the primary lessons was that of breaking through our cocoon of habitual patterns.  I find the lessons I learned there pop up in every day scenarios on a regular basis.

Since I’ve found my way back to my mat following more than three months of absence (due to surgical healing), I am confronted with this notion of meeting myself where I am and practicing Ahimsa along the way.  

Always mindful of living in a beginner’s mind (without getting stuck there), I find myself now living in a beginner’s body.  This beginner’s body, however, is sort of the grown-up version of its former self.  

In my first days of practicing Yoga, every experience on the mat was filled with curiosity of the unknown.  The language, poses, philosophies and less than tangible energy that passed between & among the various participants (teachers & students alike) landed on me as I began to integrate them into my pool of understanding.  While my curiosity is still regularly peaked and my general understanding is still journeying toward clarity, I now have a foundation of experience that has created some land marks.

While my body is reacquainting itself with the motion of the practice, the physical memory is still vibrating underneath old habits.  It is my challenge to honor this new state of mind and being.  Now, my cardinal rule is Ahimsa.  I’m not distracted by lofty goals of perfect poses, but am hearing the smaller instruction of modifications and using them as the stepping stones.  I will do no harm to myself, others or the world around me.

Definitions:

Ahimsa:  Do no harm.

Harm:  Hurt

The Universal Heart of Sadness

These past few weeks have been colored by loss, touched by sadness and re-infused with life.  

For a while it seemed like the cycle of life was claiming friends’ parents at an accelerated rate.  While we were saddened by this loss of life, it was a reminder of our shared fate and preview of our age.  Then we lost three friends, all in their forties, and the view shifted.  

In my last post, I was trying to make sense of an old friend’s death.  What I didn’t include in that post was that it was on the heals of hearing about our friend Flavia, who died of cancer a couple weeks before Jon fell at the hand of some undisclosed illness.  

The air had become dense with loss but life continued its relentless march forward.  

Then the wildfire network that is Facebook, revealed the untimely death of another old friend and dear soul.  David Nolan.  David’s sharp mind and huge heart were his calling cards.  He could elevate any discourse with original thought and critical thinking stemming from his open heart.  It is both tragic and poetic that it was a major heart attack that took him too soon from this earth.

So much of Yoga is about opening the heart.  It sounds simple but is deeply profound.  As our time on the mat is limited, so is our time off the mat.  We work to realize our potential in each pose with every breath.  There’s a heightened sense of consciousness on the mat as we’re being guided and encouraged to stretch our limits to the edge.  As our shoulders and hips open we make space for our hearts to follow.  This physical openness reflects a deeper expansion.  

When loss or tragedy hits close to home, it is my heart that bears the burden; I’d rather it be open soft and wide to better balance the weight, than closed tight and resistant unable to feel what’s real.

I am so grateful for Yoga.  It is a real life practice that reflects the challenges of living and teaches how to remain open in hard times.

What I choose to take from this time of crazy loss is to limit regret by not putting things off and minimizing the pool of potential by realizing as much of it as I can.  

Flavia Roncelli.  Jon Crawford.  David Nolan.  

Namaste, my friends!  The light in me, bows to the light in you!